Melissa M. Family Fund
Hello there from my family to yours!
I adopted my 12-year-old daughter at the age of two and although I had some presence in her life from the day she was born, before really, she endured heart breaking abuse, drug exposure, mistreatment, and neglect. Due to this trauma, she developed a developmental trauma disorder called Reactive Active Attachment Disorder.
My daughter’s experience of profound trauma early in her life (before her adoption) has left her unable to understand or trust safety, stability, or even love. At the heart of Mia’s developmental attachment disorder (Reactive Attachment Disorder) is a clinical inability to feel and understand the security and love that I have been trying to show her at every turn.
I am humbly seeking donations to cover the tuition for a specialized program for my daughter where she will have the opportunity to get the help she so desperately needs. Your gift will give her the chance at a childhood, a chance at a life where she is not mired by the trauma of her past.
I have slammed my head against thousands of figurative doors, trying to make gains in accessing services that have been defined as necessary by each mental health provider on my family's team. There is an unfathomable fear that exists in knowing that you are not safe in the home with your child and she is unsafe in a home setting without some drastic intervention that teaches her to allow herself permission to connect and not sabotage each extended embrace I offer her with violence and fear. There is a deep immeasurable pain in knowing that I alone cannot provide what my child so desperately needs.
Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is a disorder that occurs when an infant or small child is exposed to extreme abuse, neglect, abandonment, and periods of fear or insecurity without the benefit of comfort or their needs being met. Because of the unspeakable abuse and neglect of the first two years of my daughter’s life, her ability to feel, understand, and trust love and security has been put on pause. This causes her to always live in a trauma response “of fight or flight” mode.
Her behavior is not a reflection of being a “bad child.” They are the desperate responses of a child whose understanding of safety and connection has been deeply damaged. Who exists in this universe that deserves to know the love of God more than a child who was taught that love and security was something to be feared?
My daughter experiences extreme episodes of physical violence. She has made serious threats, attempts on my life, and caused destruction in our home. Despite years of treatment and every effort I have made to help her; our family can no longer safely manage her needs inside our home setting. Professionals have determined that she requires a higher level of treatment and 24-hour supervision.
In the search for answers, I found a residential program in North Florida that specializes in developmental attachment trauma. This is a widely sought after program, and they have a space available for my daughter to begin her healing journey. The only present barrier is the financial cost of the facility. The programs that treat Mia’s disorder are not covered by insurance, and post-adoption services have been impossible to utilize and are so far unwilling to cover the cost of her safety.
This program is a ranch-style placement that incorporates an intentional, holistic, trauma-informed approach to restoration. Through animals, nature, structured activity, meaningful work, and nurturing relationships, my daughter will be given the opportunity to experience safety, responsibility, connection, healing, and hope. Some of the highlights of the program include the opportunity for each child to build a relationship with their own horse. This allows for unconditional bonding, a sense of responsibility, control, and accomplishment. They also have an adaptive fitness program focused on teamwork and neuroplasticity exercises.
It is difficult to convey the urgency, the harsh reality, that this may be the last chance that my beautiful daughter has at a productive future and the childhood that she so desperately deserves. There is a harsh unfairness that my daughter is facing the biggest battle she may ever face, and that she is too young to truly comprehend. It is nothing that a child should have to contend with and it is a battle that has no face to blame. The outpouring of support from our friends and church family has been a bright light in this dark time. A reminder of God’s grace and promise. I believe that with your support and from those in our community, our village, and beyond, I know that my daughter can strive towards healing.
Alone I am not enough. While knowing that I love her beyond what is comprehensible and will continue to strive to meet every need she has, I have reached the end of my financial ability to sustain the care she needs. I am humbled by the realization that I cannot do it alone. My hyper-independence screams with apprehension as I type this but… We NEED you. We need our tribe. Our village.
The only thing standing between my daughter and this opportunity is the cost.
The program costs $86,200 for one year, and insurance does not cover it. After years of paying for her medical and behavioral care out-of-pocket, I have exhausted my financial resources.
Can you help us? I am not asking you to rescue us. I am asking you to stand beside us while we fight for my daughter's future:
$237 provides one day of care.
$1,658 provides one week of care.
If you feel led to help financially, please do! Your donation will go directly toward her treatment.
I believe with all my heart that God has led us to this program. I believe my child deserves the opportunity to learn that love is safe, that she is worthy of being loved, and that her past does not have to determine her future.
If you cannot give financially, please pray. Please share this link. Please help us get this opportunity in front of anyone who may be able to help.
We are at a critical point, and we need help now.
Thank you for loving our family, for loving my daughter in the face of her fear, and for standing with us when we need our tribe most.
-One desperate Mama
